Just called and got an update not to long ago. I'm still sick at home.

Gavin is up from 25ml/3hr to 30ml/3hr and weighs 3lb 9oz. He lost just a little when they stopped giving IV fluids.

Gabe is up from 30ml/3hr to 34ml/3hr. He weighs 3lb 7.5oz today.

Both of their billi levels are up again so they may have to go back under the lights. They are going to retest on Friday to see if it's necessary.

I'm having a hard time exclusively pumping. Your body produces more milk when you can smell, touch, feel your baby as you feed and with a breast pump none of those things occur. I'm also having a hard time bonding with the boys. Having an emergency c section feels sort of like they were ripped out of me and taken away. I would compare the feelings to those of a mother who has lost her babies or given them up. It's hard for me to see pregnant women or look at the little baby stuff around our home knowing no body will use them for weeks to come.

So much needs to be done before the boys can come home and I just don't feel up to doing any of it. I have absolutely no motivation.

I'm ready for this stupid cold to go away so that I can hold them again. Tonight after Tim gets off work he is taking me up to deliver my milk because the boys have increased their feedings so much they are almost out.

I have partially reopened my incision on the left hand side. Too much blowing my nose and doing way too much too fast I guess. It's super painful and I have to go get it checked Thursday at 2:30p. I am still extremely tender to touch from my belly button down. Wearing the binder helps when I cough and sleep.

I am really ready for them to be home. I'm ready to have my life back and not have to rely on everyone else to take care of us. I love my and Tim's family and I know that's what family is for but I'm just agitated that I cannot take care of my own family.

I'm glad Ethan is home with us though. He really makes all of this easier. Hea been cuddling me at night which I've really missed. Which is probably why I have a cold lol oh well. He is getting so big. It's hard to believe its 9 days short of a year since he was born. I feel like he should still be my tiny baby and hea not. It's amazing watching him learn though. He is getting so smart and it seems like each day hes trying to say a new sound/word or he's attempting a new task :)

I just cannot wait until all my boys are together.