Welfare (Special Needs) Parenting

Nothing is more embarrassing for a parent than to admit that you cannot provide for your children by yourself. You just don't have the resources, time, or financial ability to provide everything that your child needs. Being a special needs parent on welfare is an entirely different monster. Not only is there judgement because you can't take care of your child on your own but there is the stigma that you brought this child with his unique medical issues and physical flaws into this world and couldn't take care of them. You get the eye rolls when you are in the check out lane by yourself using 6 of your 30 WIC coupons you get a month and you are holding up the line. You get the comments about why you had more children when you couldn't take care of the ones you had. Or when your children are with you, its the people who are trying not to look at your child in his wheelchair and plaster on the polite smiles on their faces because they feel sorry for you and they think you want their pity. You get the second rate equipment because Medicare just doesn't cover all the bells and whistles.

Half a months worth of WIC for three children a month

 Sometimes when things are especially tight you have to feed your children those foods that you know will upset their stomachs or make them get a bright red rash across their face because it contains artificial dyes and coloring because you just can't afford the organic or the all natural version. You pump you kids full of sodium and enough sugar to cause diabetes by the time they are five because the Hi-C fruit flavored "juice" product is cheaper then the Juicy Juice. You have to make choices that you know are not in the best interest of your child because it is all you can supply at the time. 

Those months when things are so tight you think to yourself why did I buy all these boys for them at Christmas when I could have saved the money and paid the electric bill on time the last three months. Those past due notices and grace periods fly by and you are wondering do I pay the bill before they shut off our service or put the money in the gas tank to take them to their therapy or doctors appointments. You skip family functions because you have to save that 1/4 of a tank of gas to get to the doctors appointment that they really need to go to because you have rescheduled the last two appointments (for the same reasons) and you know you will be dropped from their practice and have to find a new doctor even more ridiculously far away to move them too. Or not being able to seek the latest therapies, getting the newest equipment or even better equipment suited for your child's specific special needs. Your son stuck his coat in a sticky mouse trap and you had to throw it away because it wouldn't come off and two of your kids now share a coat, one wears the outside and one wears the inside lining. You just have to make sure they are wearing long sleeve shirts and sweatshirts underneath so they absolutely stay warm.

Your toddlers don't understand the concept of money and when you tell them you don't have enough money to go buy the play dough they've been begging for for weeks at the dollar store and they find a quarter and cry to you "but we have money!" You research moving saving options and how to make cash fast options until you are blue in the face. You talk about disconnecting phone lines until you realize the doctors offices and department of public health, early intervention, family all have to be able to get a hold of you some how. You tell your kids they can't have a second snack because you have to make your food last all month. No or not right now seem to be the automatic response to just about everything.

Living a life of poverty is tough, especially in a family that's fairly well off. It is embarrassing to have to hide behind your problems, make excuses, and avoid participating in social outtings with family and friends. It is hard to get ahead when you are so far behind. Every option out there is just about impossible unless you win the lotto or win publishers clearing house (do they even do this anymore?). You can't move forward in life without money and without money to move forward you are stuck. Stuck skipping college (that costs money), stuck trying to find a new job (gas, clothing, spending time job hunting costs money), buying a house for yourself requires a job and money, buy that nee handicap van you need with the chair lift or the ramp in front of your house so you don't have to carry the wheelchair up and down the stairs costs money. People just avoid the elephant in the room. Wouldn't you?

There are definitely perks to being a welfare parent sometimes. You of course get to spend copious amounts of time with your little ones. Seeing all the smiles, tears, firsts, and accomplishments during all the quality time you get to spend together. You learn to become inventive. You are definitely more creative when it comes to finding ways and recipes to feed your family. You learn to take a few extras and a little of this and create a new family favorite that you would have never though of before. You learn to accept and be grateful for the little things. My kids and I get so excited to wait for the mail everyday and see what new free samples have arrived or if their new free book for the Dolly Parton Imagination Library has arrived yet. We have learned to love trips to the library, for the books, free movies to rent, and their huge playroom area. The kids cry every time we have to leave. We spend a lot more time outside playing in the yard, working on our garden which helps supplement our food income. In the Spring, Summer, and Fall our food costs are always so low we have a little extra money to get the boys good birthday gifts for the trios birthday in August. I have learned that sometimes being cheaper is healthier especially when it comes to cleaning products. Sometimes the frugal choice is the BEST choice, not the ONLY choice. I have learned to make homemade cleaning products that are not only cost effective but are chemical and carcinogen free! If we weren't below the poverty line I don't think I would have every considered cloth diapering my children and dealing with their poopy diapers in the wash or hung up that clothes line that saves us almost $75 a month off our electric bill in the summer. I would have never done the research to know that using the crock pot is way cheaper than running the oven and that adjusting the thermostat so that we are always just a little warmer in the summer or a little cooler in the winter would really add up! It has also showed me who will actually stick around through thick and thin. It has given me an appreciation for the way things were when we were growing up. I totally understand now why we had the car with no radio or the one that died in the rain. A car is a car and its job is to get you from a to b. The brand of possessions is totally useless to me as long as it has enough quality to get the job done. I have learned to be a thrift store, used, generic junkie!

Being a welfare mom has made me a better mom. It has allowed me to open myself up to gratitude for what I have, the things we are blessed to be gifted with, and the things that really matter, my family. I have learned more about love and the ability of people. It has given me a new point of view on life. I have learned to find joy in the ordinary and love in all the right places and people!  

A day in the life

I have been terrible about updating out blog as of recently. Our day to day life is nothing short of a wild roller coaster ride, the main goal being keeping all four of my lovely boys alive, second to feeding, bathing, clothing, and entertaining them. :)

Having three under three and a sort of big seven year old helper has been interesting. Gavin and Gabe still have therapy daily, Xavier has biweekly baseball games and normal summer adventures, and Ethan is keeping me on my toes with his intent on being a part of everything mama has going on.

The twins are still getting physical, speech, occupational, developmental therapies and seeing a nutritionist all once weekly. It keeps us very busy along with all our specialty doctors appointments and just keeping our day to day life straight.

Gavin will be 2 years old August 2nd. That is when they stop adjusting age. For all the new readers he has Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy secondary to Periventricular Leukomalacia. He also suffers from GERD, vicious cycle constipation, diphagia, aspiration, and sensory issues. He is still being orally fed. We are successfully bi-passed the feeding tube for the past 6 months and hopefully we keep on the up and up and can orally eat the rest of our lives. :) He is now 34 1/2 inches tall and 23lbs 8oz. He is starting to sit independently for short periods of time. He is really enjoying his borrowed Squiggles Stander and Rifton Pacer while we wait for our own. Our therapists and doctors have also ordered him his first wheel chair, a Kid Kart. Hopefully having a tilt in space chair with a tray will allow him to work on his fine motor skills while feeling safe in a supported environment. He has definitely mastered the art of the belly crawl and can now belly crawl over objects, turn around, and back himself out of corners. He is starting to say 2 words together and can now spontaneously say about 20-30 words. :) He is still very hoarse and does still have motor planning issues when it comes to his speech so sometimes it may take 2 or 3 tries before the words come out. Today he was crawling around saying "ga... gabe....gabe...break it."

Gabe is everywhere! We are now a walker. He still has lot of tone issues in his hip abductors, knees, ankles and toes. He has successfully over come his upper body tone/ While still there, he can functionally use both arms for age appropriate tasks smoothly now. He still has a lot of balance and coordination issues. We have lots of bumps and bruises. He is still having feeding difficulties as well. We are still on a level 1 nipple and have to thicken to nectar consistency. He still swallows just about everything whole and doesn't have the best sensory control and often overstuffs when it comes to meals. He is growing like a weed though at just shy of 35 inches and 28 lbs. While hes 5lbs heavier then Gav they really don't physically look different. The CP clinic doctors just explained that Gabes muscle mass weighs more.

Ethan is a little turkey. We are about completely potty trained as we approach his 3rd birthday. We are peeing in the potty during the day and wear a pull up still at night. Most days he wakes up dry, but I think he just wants them for security. He gets very emotional with accidents.

Xavier is keeping us busy with his 7 year old antics. We are dawned the age of sarcasm in our home. Xavier just "looooves to do his chores." :) It is bitter sweet seeing our little boy grow up. It is so exciting the skills, questions, and conversations he initiates now but it is sad that he doesn't think he needs our help anymore. It really makes me sad how much kids his age are exposed to and how fast he is growing up. It really makes me think even harder about homeschooling the three little guys.

As for Tim and I, we are getting married June 21st so we are been in the midst of wedding planning. :) We are having a small wedding with about 80 people. It should be a good time. I have also planted a massive garden this year. I am determined to bring the homestead to our small home, even if we are in a small rental. Our Landlord has been very gracious in letting me plant a 14x30ft garden at the back of our lot and scatter by containers and raised frame beds around the property. This year is my first year gardening and I hope we are able to can enough to supplement part of our grocery bill this summer through spring. Tim is currently trying to find new employment and we now make too much money to get assistance with the boys so we are sort of stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Food stamps used to supplement the Pediasure the boys drink. Now we have to find a way to pay for it and food out of pocket with less money then we had before. It all seems so backwards.

In my garden this year I have planted: sunflowers, wild flowers, garlic, pumpkins, radishes, carrots, cucumbers, jalapenos, cherry tomatoes, potatoes, beans, broccoli, spinach, lettuce, strawberries, corn, onions, 4 tomato varieties, red bell peppers, green bell peppers, sweet basil, purple basil, oregano, sweet mint, lavender, a raspberry vine, and a blueberry bush. This month I plan to add sweet potatoes, water melon, winter squash, pumpkins, more corn and beans for a later harvest, and to replant my lettuce. I am also hoping to plant a second fall garden after we harvest and turn over this one in late August. I plan on planting beets, more broccoli, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, peas, lettuce, turnips, garlic, kale, and a second set of spinach. My spinach is currently bolted to seed so hopefully I can successfully harvest it in order to replant.

We are also trying to cut costs this year by hopefully buying a deep freezer. That way we can can some of our produce and freeze the rest. If we get a deep freezer we will probably also buy half a cow from a local farmer.

I am also trying to work into our tiny over stretched budget a clothesline. We currently have a clothes drying rack we were gifted (from my mom :) ) that we use daily but we really need a large line for the 6 of our clothing, towels, and linens. It would save tremendously on electric and help our clothes last longer as well. I registered for one or if we get money for the wedding that will be one of the first purchases :) fingers crossed.

I am officially down 40lbs since January. My blood pressure is now low to normal and I have a check up today. :)

I am also thinking about updating and revamping the blog. While it is mostly about the boys I would love to figure out how to categorize my posts with gardening, the boys, saving money, living green ect. So changes may be coming soon!

Picture of my lovey

My 9 month old lil man :) He is the reason this whole situation with the twins isn't so stressful. He always knows how to make me smile!