Happy first birthday

Well, tomorrow is our twins first birthday.

If you asked me a year ago today if I thought I could have survived this I would have told you I wasn't sure. But here we are, doing the best we can with what we've been given; two beautiful little boys. I wasn't exactly sure how I wanted to write this piece, as I have been sort of slacking on the updates recently, but I think I will start out by writing letters to both of the boys.

Dear Gavin,
         I am crying as I write this to you because you have changed my life and blinded me by love. With all the difficulties and hell you have put me and your father through this past year, I would live it over and over for eternity. I worry about you the most out of all your brothers though. I have days where I imagine you running around playing with all the kids in your braces and not so great ones where you challenge me so much I'm not sure what to expect.  I have high hopes of you being able to become self sufficient and keep up with your brothers but even if you don't you will have surpassed anything I could have ever imagined for you after we found out about you boys' diagnosis during pregnancy. We were so afraid we were going to lose you, but you, Gavin, are a fighter. With everything you have going against you, you are the happiest, most loving little boy. I wait a few minutes to wake you up in the morning just to listen to you giggle to yourself trying to get my attention. The way you follow your brothers around the room with your bright blue eyes makes me feel like you are just waiting in there to get out. I promise to you that I will always do whatever I can for you to help you feel as loved as you do and are right now. This isn't quite what I had expected to write but I want you to know that I cannot wait for the next year and all the years to come. You really are my sunshine.

Dear Gabe,
        Never did I expect to get such a little spit fire. You mister are my little drama queen. You may be the baby of the bunch but you little man are the ruler of the roost. If it isn't your way its the high way and that's just the way you like it. You don't realize you have things that hold you back. You think you are 1 going on 3. You scoot along on your belly right alongside the big boys and think you're one of them. You have no idea how absolutely amazing you really are. You are the smartest little boy. I remember I thought I was going crazy when you said your first word, because I thought it was too soon. We were all sitting around in the play room and you said "bu-bble" as one floated right by and kept on repeating yourself. "bu-bbbble, buuuuh-ble." You make mommy so proud each and every day. You have also surpassed every one of my expectations and I love the challange you bring me everyday. You are an amazing big little brother looking out for Gavin and he will forever be grateful to you, as am I. You teach me new things about myself and the world everyday. You are the moon stink. I love you.